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 *Tuxedo Mark: Something else, which I can only descript as cruel irony or a sick cosmic joke, is there was epic failure of communication on both sides both during and after the break-up. On October 16 (three days prior to the break-up), she had told me that her day was "bad", "everything" was wrong, and she'd come to "uncomfortable realizations" about herself, but she didn't elaborate when I prodded her (numerous times). She said she'd only bring me down with her. On the day of the break-up, she said her reasons were her health problems, and it wouldn't be fair of her to have me deal with them, and she felt physical pain at the thought of it. She also mentioned the difficulty of convincing my mom to even meet, as well as how I'd move to be with her. On the evening of November 13 (I didn't know it at the time, but she had gotten engaged to her new girlfriend that morning), she said she was okay. On November 14, she said she was horrible but didn't want to talk about it. On November 15, she wrote me an e-mail and came out to me but didn't say anything else. I went on AIM and said I wasn't mad at her. On December 5, she was upset and told me that she should just pretend she has no orientation, because whoever she'd be with would suffer needlessly. I told her that any girl would be lucky to have her (I was trying to be understanding about the whole thing and not make her feel worse). She said the (I believed hypothetical) girl would have to watch her slowly die. I told her that it should be up to the other person. After I found out about her girlfriend and the engagement, I brought this conversation up to her, and she confirmed that she remained with her girlfriend due to my encouragement.
Today at 06:51:16 PM
- Tuxedo Mark: Thanks, Surprise. It's just that I feel so lonely. It's like she's near, but we're apart. It hurts so much, and I have a feeling that it'll get even worse when she eventually meets her girlfriend in real life (possibly in the next two months).
Today at 05:43:34 PM
- Surprise: TM: You are a bigger person than I am. I couldn't do that, and I once had the chance. Don't feel guilty, though, if you ever feel uncomfortable with your status as friends with your ex-girlfriend. I wish you well.
Today at 10:56:45 AM
- Brunette: Good to hear this, TM.
Yesterday at 08:48:30 PM
- Tuxedo Mark: I think I'm basically made-up with my ex-girlfriend now, andwe've renewed our friendship. I'm still going to miss her terribly as a romantic partner, though.
Yesterday at 07:09:08 PM
- Tuxedo Mark: Yeah, we just weren't on. Welcome, Jessica.
Yesterday at 11:43:27 AM
- Captain Hero: I think it has less to do with us being "unfriendly" as it does with not a whole lot of us being online at five a.m.
Yesterday at 09:36:19 AM
Yesterday at 05:23:27 AM
- jessica: ahemm>so unfriendly people...
Yesterday at 05:21:08 AM
- jessica: hi athena....wassup?
Yesterday at 05:18:24 AM
Yesterday at 05:17:13 AM
- jessica: ??
Yesterday at 05:16:47 AM
- jessica: hi tuxedo
Yesterday at 05:15:07 AM
- jessica: ?
Yesterday at 05:14:05 AM
- jessica: hi m nw here
Yesterday at 05:13:36 AM
- Tuxedo Mark: Athena: True, but it's a starting point. There are some things that are absolute musts for me. The worst thing that could happen to me at this point would be to start talking with someone, get along with her, fall in love, but then find out that there's something that I just don't want, or something that I didn't learn about her until I was close to her that suddenly became a relationship-ending issue. Such things as, well, for example, she not being absolutely certain of her sexual orientation until 4 years into the relationship. A lot of what I plan to put into the list are just general suggestions, but there are some major points that are important enough to require the list being made.
Yesterday at 01:39:53 AM
- Athena: Finding a compatible partner is not easy for ANYONE, and I think almost anyone will tell you that it's never as easy as circulating a list of your "requirements" and waiting for someone to come along and fulfill them.
February 15, 2010, 01:27:06 PM
- Athena: Hey Tuxedo-- Once again I wish you the best in your search (and I hope your mom's doing well). But I want to join in with the others who are gently encouraging you to be more open-minded about your approach. Try to use this romantic setback as an opportunity to try some things you're not used to. Just like you I used to be somebody who only had "stay-at-home interests," but I realized that in order to get some things I wanted in terms of relationships (both romantic and non-romantic) I had to be more flexible about how I approached life, and learn to explore some other aspects of myself even if it was a bit scary. And I'm really glad I did.
February 15, 2010, 01:23:10 PM
- Captain Hero: Just to go along with what I've said earlier, I know it can be difficult to sort of put yourself out there. Believe me...having dealt with self-esteem issues my whole life, I know all about that...but sometimes if you want something bad enough, it's worth taking risks.
February 15, 2010, 12:59:56 PM
- Captain Hero: But, Mark, I think what we're saying is that in order for you to find the perfect gal, you kind of have to do some of the work yourself. It's very unlikely that Ms. Right is going to just walk inside your front door. Get out into the world! Who knows? Your next customer at work could be the one!
February 15, 2010, 10:49:40 AM
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